Stage 4

Well we got the final word. I guess you would say the final diagnosis on my grandpa. My mom called just a while ago so I could talk to Kolby, he as usual doesnt want to come home cause his cousins are over there. When she got back on the phone she told me they got news on my grandpa but it wasnt good......

His cancer is at stage 4. The doctor told them it is now in Gods hands. My mom said my grandpa is really upset. He is mad that it wasnt caught sooner. He knows now the signs were there all along. He knew his throat was closing but waited till it got too bad to go to a doctor.

I didnt even know there was a stage four I thought three was the highest it went. They were supposed to start Chemo on Monday I dont even know that they will atempt that now. He will never be able to eat again he will always be fed through his tube. Still, that doesnt mean that he doesnt still have time left. The doctor wont give him a time expectancy, or maybe its just that my family wont tell me. I feel like things are being hidden from me. I want to know. I may not like what I hear but I still want to know.

This is so real now. Its been real from the beginning but then there was hope he could get better. Now theres no hope, more of a waiting game of how long he can withstand. He is stubborn so I hope now more than ever he doesnt give up or give in.

As selfish as it is I am not ready to let him go. There are things I still want him here for. Our birthdays are coming up in the next couple weeks. It wouldnt be the same if he wasnt here. I know he wont be able to eat a cake I bake him, but atleast he will be here. And walking me down the isle at my wedding, there was a time where he was the only one I wanted to walk me down. In more recent years it has changed, I now want my dad and him on either side. But I still want him! More now than ever I am so happy he got to be a part of Kolbys life. He got to hold at least one of my babies, but I hope he is here to hold another.