My First Hospital Visit with Papa

I just got back from the hospital, it was my first time seeing him since he was diagnosed with cancer. I hate that word I hate everything about that word, the way it sounds what it stands for and what it does to a person.

When I walked in he was asleep or so I thought. It took alot to hold back the tears and from passing out at the sight of him in bed looking so pale and weak. My aunt was on the phone in the corner talking to his daughter in law and my uncle was in one of the chairs off to the side of the room. The room was tiny. I walked over to the other side of him and sat my purse down, when I turned around he was looking at me. He asked how I got in the room if I had come in through the window. We were on the third floor, to say the least his pain meds were kicking in. I sat down in the chair next to his bed side and we talked a little on and off between him dosing in and out. He asked where everyone else way and I told him they were on they're way. He asked where they were going to sit, then in the same breath said to make my uncle get up and throw his chair out the window and they could sit out in the Garden (again I think his meds were working well for him). Shortly after that conversation my grandma, mom, Kolby, my cousin Pam and her boyfriend and baby came in. We were packed in now with very little room to spare, but my grandpa didnt seem bothered by all the company. I think he was just glad to see us all.

He showed me the feeding tube in his stomach that they had inserted in him Monday, and while I was there the nurse came in to push liquids through it. You could tell he was nervous he asked her questions about if it would hurt or would he taste it. She assured him it was simple and quick and he would taste nothing unless he burped. She said that tomorrow they were going to show him how to do it himself.

My aunt had talked to his daughter in law who was there when the "cancer" doctor came in today and told them that He has Cancer of the Esophagus. They have found a spot behind his heart and one in his lymphnodes. They did an MRI and the doctor wants to see him back in his office again for the results of that. My aunt thinks there may be more. He starts Chemo on Monday. That atleast gives me hope that they have to think there is a chance even if its a small one that maybe he will be able to pull through this.

He is having another surgery in the morning to insert a peg cath in him for his Chemo treatments. And then at some point tomorrow he is going to be released. I think they are taking him to Livingston where his son Jeff lives. Looks like I am going to be making a lot of trips over the weekends now.